[This is the fourth entry about our miscarriage. To read our story from the beginning, click here.]
Looking back, February was such a wonderful month. Our new reality set in, and we enjoyed our first full month of pregnancy (or at least the first full month we knew of it).
I was so thankful we told our families, and I cherished the conversations I had with my mom early on. A few days after we shared the news, my mom sent me an email. Her words and wisdom actually mean more now than they did when I first read them:
A few days later, she mailed me a huge package filled with many of those books. On each book she wrote a little note. It was so special.
The whole not-feeling-pregnant thing didn't last long. While I never actually got "sick", I started to feel nauseous the night before our first OB appointment. And that became the trend. I felt fine during the day - no morning sickness, but I had "evening" sickness. Smells really bothered me, I lost my appetite, and could barely eat dinners. But I didn't mind. It was confirmation that everything was real.
[Side note: My cousin, Steph, told me she was pregnant about two weeks before I found out I was pregnant. So when we did find out, I had to tell her! However, no one knew I told her. See, she was in her first trimester and waiting to tell extended family (aka my parents and grandparents), too. It made it tricky, but fun. It was like a double secret. Steph and I were exactly four weeks apart, and throughout the month of February, we enjoyed comparing our stories and symptoms. I loved our conversations and am thankful we experienced pregnancy together, even if it was just a short while. I can't wait to meet her baby boy in September!]
The highlight of February was definitely our first doctor's appointment. It’s so hard to put into words how exciting and surreal that day was. I was 6 weeks, 5 days, and we had our first ultrasound. It happened to work out that Dan was off, and I am so thankful he was there with me. He was super cute as we arrived to the hospital/doctor’s office – snapping pictures and taking video. (Had to include them, even the blurry ones).
Looking back, February was such a wonderful month. Our new reality set in, and we enjoyed our first full month of pregnancy (or at least the first full month we knew of it).
I was so thankful we told our families, and I cherished the conversations I had with my mom early on. A few days after we shared the news, my mom sent me an email. Her words and wisdom actually mean more now than they did when I first read them:
Hi Kristen, just want to say this morning that Dad and I think and pray for you and your brother and sister daily. We are reminded how fast you all grew up and though we miss you, we know how important it is to find the Lord's will and plan for your life. We know that you are meant to be exactly where you are right now. We thank the Lord for you, our special gift from above. And realize that He wanted us to be your parents. It has been a privilege to be your parents and watch you grow. We're thankful for you and all the memories we have. Please forgive us for the times and areas we fell short and/or didn't do all that we were supposed to do or say. We love you and are so proud of you.
God's plan is good.
Kris, can you tell I'm home today and reflecting? I've been going to the bookshelves more often since you shared the wonderful news. I remember you ordering the shelves and you and Dan putting them together and organizing them - doing what you do best. I see books I've read and many that I had good intentions of reading. Marriage/parenting is on-the-job-training. It takes putting God first and knowing his design/blueprints for life. Becoming a Christian doesn't give us a free pass to easily go through life, but it does make us aware of our shortcomings and challenges. And it entitles us to get the strength to go through anything from our Lord and Savior. Daily, I forget who I am in Christ and daily I need to be reminded. This is your daily reminder of who you are in Him: you are His workmanship and God is at work in you. According to Charles Stanley and his teachings of God's word, workmanship means masterpiece. The child within you is also His masterpiece.
I love you and miss you. Mom xo
A few days later, she mailed me a huge package filled with many of those books. On each book she wrote a little note. It was so special.
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| "What parents of the eighties are naming their babies..." Ha! |
[Side note: My cousin, Steph, told me she was pregnant about two weeks before I found out I was pregnant. So when we did find out, I had to tell her! However, no one knew I told her. See, she was in her first trimester and waiting to tell extended family (aka my parents and grandparents), too. It made it tricky, but fun. It was like a double secret. Steph and I were exactly four weeks apart, and throughout the month of February, we enjoyed comparing our stories and symptoms. I loved our conversations and am thankful we experienced pregnancy together, even if it was just a short while. I can't wait to meet her baby boy in September!]
The highlight of February was definitely our first doctor's appointment. It’s so hard to put into words how exciting and surreal that day was. I was 6 weeks, 5 days, and we had our first ultrasound. It happened to work out that Dan was off, and I am so thankful he was there with me. He was super cute as we arrived to the hospital/doctor’s office – snapping pictures and taking video. (Had to include them, even the blurry ones).
We had a long wait at the doctor’s office, but it was worth the wait. It was absolutely amazing to see the image of our baby on the ultrasound machine.
It was too early to hear the heartbeat, but we could see the flicker of the heartbeat on the screen! And I mean, clearly see. Totally incredible! I remember thinking, "Okay, it's definitely real! There’s really a baby growing inside of me. We’re really pregnant!" And again, I remember being just completely in awe of God's design. I had no idea that you could see the heartbeat so early in a pregnancy. What a special gift from God for the parents-to-be. It was the tiniest and the biggest miracle we had ever seen.
We left the doctor's office feeling pretty good. We knew it was still very early in the pregnancy, but seeing the heartbeat gave us so much more confidence. I'm so thankful our first ultrasound experience was a positive one. I'm thankful we have that memory. It's definitely one we'll never forget.
That same night, we celebrated Valentine’s Day – a day early – since Dan was off. After the appointment, he went shopping and came home with a surprise dinner. For the past three Valentine’s Days he's made fresh lobster. Fresh lobster is hard to find all the way in Hawaii, but Dan found lobster tails at Whole Foods and made a delicious lobster ravioli dinner (my favorite!) complete with a rose sauce (my other favorite!) He’s the best!
Unfortunately, nausea was getting the best of me. I had this lump-like feeling in my throat and just felt gross. I had zero appetite, but didn’t have the heart to tell Dan I couldn't eat his food because he was so excited! (Although, I'm pretty sure he figured it out.) I was just praying that the nausea would subside so I could enjoy the delicious dinner he prepared for me. And it did. I enjoyed every bite. God is good! Not pictured next to our delicious dinner: the saltine crackers and ginger ale that helped get me through the meal. (Saltine crackers and rice cakes we my dinners for the rest of the pregnancy, too.)
Nausea and all, it was by far my favorite Valentine's Day. We had so much to celebrate, especially seeing our blueberry-sized babe for the first time.
Three days later, my cousin Meg and her boyfriend Craig came to visit. When they first planned their trip, I wasn't pregnant. So as their arrival got closer, I started to worry, especially since I was just starting to feel more pregnant. I didn't want to be a lame tour guide for their trip. But again, I have to say God is good. We had so much fun with them!
And...we ended up sharing our big news with them, too! Originally, we were going to try and keep the secret, but it was so much harder than we thought it'd be. We ended up telling them for many reasons: a) I thought they'd be suspicious of my diet of rice cakes and plain crackers, especially for dinner. b) I wouldn't order wine or fun Hawaiian drinks while we were out. c) We were feeling more confident with the pregnancy after seeing the heartbeat/ultrasound image. d) They would be the only family we got to tell in person! (so special) They were so excited when we told them, and I'm glad we did.
Meg and Craig left Sunday, February 24. The next day, we found out where Dan's next Army assignment will be...Colorado! (More on that later) It was such a huge relief to find out, because we knew the baby would be born wherever we moved next, and we were so anxious to find out. Noteworthy: After finding out where we'd be when the baby arrived, Dan ordered the baby his/her first Patagonia jacket...you know, for the harsh Colorado winters. He's cute. And slightly obsessed!
That brings us to the end of February (and the end of our pregnancy, even though we didn't know it yet). Our next doctor's appointment was scheduled for Friday, March 1...
Keep Smiling...
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